I think once in everyone’s life they meet someone who makes them see the world differently. There is no age to this or timing, everyone is on their own path. But I genuinely believe at least once in everyone’s life they will have a complete stranger eventually mean everything to them and impact their life greatly. That person invites you to see the world from their view point, and you begin to understand and care for someone other than yourself.
This person may stay just a little or they could stay forever. But either way, your life has been greatly impacted by their presence. Whether this be good or bad.
I am not ashamed anymore to say that when I lost that person, I also lost myself. This is probably no surprise to someone who can relate, when you lose someone–whether that be to lost contact, broken relationship, or even death–who had such an impact on your life, it takes a tole on you. You have to figure out who you are without that person. You have just spent all of this time and effort on someone just to lose them. You have to ask yourself some hard questions. Is this what is best for us? Was all of this time in vain? Why did this have to happen? Why wasn’t I good enough? Is it all my fault? These questions filled my mind.
I now see why it happened. I now understand why things had to happen the way they did. I am at peace with it. But this did not happen over night.
I shut down after. I went between stages of numbness and crying. I cried so much. I honestly thought I would never be okay again. I decided it was better to be careless then to care and be at risk for losing someone whom I cared about again. The thought was too scary to think about.
Everyone heals differently. And everyone heals in different time.
I finally feel okay. I have healed but there will always be a scar. But scars are kinda cool, they mean you have lived life.
Learning to let someone in after knowing the pain that comes with loss is difficult. You are a lot more cautious the second time. And that is because you are not the same person you once were.
But you cannot assume that everyone is going to hurt you. I have learned that losing this person was not the end of the world. It was just the end of my chapter with him, and thats okay. Life is all about change and moving forward.
I have learned that people come and go in our lives. Appreciate the time you have with them and learn what you can from them. And most importantly do not accept anything less than someone who treats you like you are EXTRAORDINARY.
Learning to be open with someone who genuinely cares about me is new. This person could break my heart and it is scary. But what kind of life is this if I were to never put myself out there? I am beginning to see the world so beautifully again, but in a new way. I have someone in my life who shares their view of the world with me. Someone who makes me on fire for life. I respect him and he respects me. I have learned that it is better to put yourself out there and risk rejection then to keep to your self and never know what could have been.
Take risks and share your mind with someone. Be you and you cannot lose.
I am grateful for all of the heartbreak because I would never appreciate the love.