I had my last Bible Study on Wednesday night. Abby, my leader, had us read in Ecclesiastes 3.
1There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
2A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
3A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
5A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
6A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
8A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.
9What profit is there to the worker from that in which he toils?
10I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men with which to occupy themselves.
There is a time for every emotion in life. It is not normal for someone to feel one type of emotion all the time. (e.g. Happy all the time, sad all the time) As this semester comes to a close, I am reflecting on the feelings it has brought about. Out of all of the emotions I’ve felt; I have learned the most out of feeling lonely. I believe loneliness shows the true self.
I think loneliness is so precious. Loneliness teaches you what you like/dislike. When I’m alone I don’t think about any other person wants to watch on television or listen to on the radio, I do what I want. No one is stimulating my mind, except for me. I make the decision what to feed my soul. No one else. Loneliness has shown me what I care about, what I spend my time on.
In the midst of my loneliness I found myself. If I were never alone, I would not value my time with my loved ones. If it were not for my loneliness I would never have learned how to love myself. Because I learned to love myself, I learned my worth. I’m freakin’ awesome. I am valued. I am loved. I believe these things so strongly to my core that it cannot be shaken.
I can do things by myself. I am not ashamed to go out to places alone. I take myself on lunch/dinner dates. I hear people say all the time “Aww *insert name* is sitting alone, that’s sad.” I don’t believe it is sad at all. I enjoy sitting alone. I am very much an introvert and I NEED my time away from other people. If I am around people too much, I get very moody.
At first I didn’t feel very happy to be alone. I felt like I needed to be doing something with someone all the time to feel important, to feel like people cared about me. I believe this now to be a lie my ego told me. Just because I don’t hang out with people all the time doesn’t mean I don’t have friends; and just because I don’t get invited to everything does not mean people don’t like hanging out with me.
I’m at a place in my life that I feel happy with. I have learned that not everyone will see my value or the value in themselves either. It’s okay though because I’m gonna keep loving me and keep loving them until they see the value in themselves also.