No doubt there has been a time gap between my last writing and now.
I begin to think of ideas to blog about but I decide something is too personal.. I wouldn’t want the whole world to know this.. that I’m feeling this way. I want to put up this facade to others that I have it together, my life is great. But the truth is life is hard.
Even when nothing immediate is happening in my life. My family is healthy, my friends are there if I need them, I have food and shelter. According to Maslow, I’m doing pretty good. (Reference to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs) — but I don’t feel good.
We go through life thinking if I just have *this* I’ll finally be happy. If I just get to *this point* I’ll be satisfied. But then we get to those points, and we want more.
As young girls we are taught to wait for the man of our dreams to come save us. My life has been chalked full of toads and wanna-be princes. I don’t want to wish my life away waiting for someone to walk into it. I want to live. I want experiences and freedom. I want escape from the expectations of hollywood— I don’t want a man to save me–when I don’t need to be saved in the first place. I realize this is so much easier said than actually living out, but I know I am far from where I want to be.
I am unhappy with myself for just coasting through life. I want to fall in love with myself all over again. I want to fall in love with life again. Just me and life. Every time I begin this process I get sidetracked. I am focused. I am determined. And that’s how it’s going to be from here on out.
Tomorrow I’m going to Colorado on vacation and what better place to think and rejuvenate than my favorite place. I feel truly inspired after writing-as I tend to every time once I muster up the courage to do it.. I am excited for my next journey. I am thankful for the time to reflect upon life and to begin loving myself one day at a time in the beautiful CO.
I’m falling in love with my self—this time with no infidelity.