I strive to have perfection.
Whether that be a painting I’m doing or an event I’m planning. I have an image in my head of how everything should go, and when it doesn’t go the way I planned it, I feel like a failure. I am a human being and so are you. Human beings are flawed and life isn’t perfect. So most of the time, what I have imagined in my head turns out very differently. Everything isn’t rainbows and daisies all the time. Although I know this to be true to my experiences, I just have too much optimism, I guess.
This perfection I place upon myself becomes exhausting and eventually I feel myself not measuring up. So I come to a crossroads, I can give up, I can keep being miserable because I’m not perfect, or I can accept the beauty of my flaws. I would really like to say that I choose to accept the beauty every time. But that is just not the case. I let my situation get the best of me in the moment. I compare myself to myself. I think about the ways I have changed over the years and I have little pity for my insecurities. When I start to feel this way a quote repeats in my head: “Give yourself the same love you freely give to others.” No one is more deserving of my love than me. And I don’t mean that in a selfish way. I mean that in a way that if you don’t put yourself first and take care of yourself, then you are in no position to help others. You can’t heal someone when you yourself first need the healing.
So as I write this it feels kind of ironic because here I sit and write this about how I struggle with perfectionism but at the same time am giving myself the advice to overcome it. Oh well.
Each day I try to be a little kinder and more understanding towards myself than I was the day before. Some days are easier than others. But all that matters is I’m trying.
And that’s all that counts; if at the end of the day you can be truly honest with yourself. Because if you can’t be honest with yourself, then you are truly doing yourself a disservice. Once you are honest, you are able to grow, and once you learn to grow: the possibilities are endless.